Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
