Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
