I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
