I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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