I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
