Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The beers last night were like the tears from god
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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