I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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