brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
