The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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