Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Actions speak louder than pants.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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