eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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