The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i don't like sucking hair
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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