she smelled like a LAN party
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
