In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
