i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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