i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
