I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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