i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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