oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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