my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
