I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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