That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
