Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
