just survived the first fart of the relationship.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
