I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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