But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
