We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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