I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
