Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
