i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
