Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
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The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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