I murdered the dance floor call the cops
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
