Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
