Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
