Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
