Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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