:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
