When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
