just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
