Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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