I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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