We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
