im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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