Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
