All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Please, let me fuck your mom
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
