I'm jealous of your bromance
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
