i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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