Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
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