Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
