is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
