also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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