How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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