Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize