he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
