That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
