plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
