Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
cat food counts as protein by the way
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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