Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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