I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My feet surprised me
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
