sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just found puke in my bra..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
