I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
