the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
