I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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