where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
