ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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